Letter 9. ​Foster true friendships, while they last

Foster true friendships, while they last

In this series of blog posts I attempt to translate the Moral letters to Lucilius by Seneca into modern English.

Letter 9. Foster true friendships, while they last

You asked about if a person needs to have friends or if you can be content dealing with unhelpful feelings alone. Well, yes you can face feelings by yourself. It’s pointless in trying to suppress them. But it’s good to be able to have friends to discuss things with. But you should accept that if you should lose your friends then you shouldn’t worry. After all, friendships come and go.

In fact, making new friends is part of life, it’s also fun too. The secret to making friends is to follow the Golden Rule. That’s not to say that maintaining existing friendships isn’t important to (remember what I said about friendships?) For example, if you have hundreds of so-called Facebook friends, ask yourself how many of these are real friends. Would they help you when the going gets tough?

Also, consider those people you are deeply attached to, for example: your parents, children, wife or husband. Feeling this type of love is what makes you human and fills your life with joy. Making and keeping a true friend is a little like falling in love, although without the physical attraction. Question which of your friend’s make you feel like this and which don’t. The ones that do are true friends.

So, like I’ve said, friendships come and go. You may think that losing a true friend is too much to bear. To try to prepare yourself for the powerful emotions, for example grief or jealousy, which result. I recommend contemplating the loss of these relationships, training your mind so to speak. By recognising the impermanent nature of relationships it helps to strengthen the bond between you both. It also increases the value of the interactions you have too. And console yourself that while all the energy and love you have invested disappears in a physical sense, you will still have your memories.

Finally remember that no matter what happens you can always fall back on being content with your own thoughts. Being able to achieve satisfaction with this alone is a step towards being truly happy.

Take care.

Read the original text here.

I recommend you read all of the most influential Letters in this new Penguin Classic book. It is the best translation, in my opinion, because it captures Seneca’s humour and style. It is also the easiest to read. My copy is full of highlighted lines, margin notes and tabs. A treasure chest of profound, practical advice which you can apply immediately.

Warning: this is not an academic text; it describes a hands-on philosophy of life. Discover powerful, instantly helpful wisdom. The complete guide to a improving your day-to-day activities, thoughts and actions.

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